A fun thing that has happened since I started writing again is that lots of people (ha, listen to me) have told me that they really enjoy reading along.
Getting notes and comments are these sweet little gifts throughout the day that make me feel valued and they mean a lot to me. A fair number of people have also had chats with me in person. And let me just say, I am not a person who cannot take a compliment. I’m just no good at taking a compliment, plus.
You know compliment, plus. It’s “You’re such a good writer,” plus “you should write a book!” or, “I love your blog,” plus “I wish I could write like that.”
You know when you’re at a restaurant and your waiter says, “Enjoy your meal!” and you respond, “You too!” (And you DIE?)
This is what happens to me after compliment, plus. I am trying so hard to be appropriate that I zero in on the courtesy and cannot even begin to process social cues. Because you can’t just keep saying thank you.
“I love your blog!” “Thank you!”
“You’re a very talented writer.” “Thank you!”
“You express things I’ve thought to myself before.” “Thank you!”
“You should write for a living.” “Thank you!”
You see the problem. So I try to be engaging and charming because that’s obviously the image I’ve created for myself here and I end up telling a story and or making a joke that only I laugh at. I don’t like it when people feign false humility (Oh no, stop it, no.. Really…) or when people take credit for things that are clearly simply gifts (Well, I did study creative writing and have worked very hard to self motivate) because no. That is awful.
I just don’t have any clear method to communicate gracefully what I want to say which is “Thank you for reading my blog. I am so happy that me being a weirdo resonates with you in a meaningful way. I am a good writer, but only because God decided I should be, as the laziness that contributes to my XL-ass also permeates into other areas of my life including, but not limited to studying, practicing, and editing. Therefore it seems quite unlikely I will ever write a book, though I agree it would be a cool thing.”
YOU CAN’T JUST SAY THOSE THINGS TO PEOPLE.
I really don’t want to discourage anyone from telling me they like reading my blog. Please do that. As previously mentioned, it’s like a little gift for me. Just please don’t think less of me when I completely bomb what could otherwise have been a straight-forward social experience.
I’ll now direct attention away from my social being and towards my physical body because I really just can’t spend anymore time thinking about how awkward I am.
Spin is great. It’s become a total blessing to me because I like it and I want to go which is a new feeling I have towards exercise. Wednesday night was probably my best class yet as the hour seemed to go by in half the time and my feet aren’t going numb anymore! I had a tingly toe by the end of class. Only one tingly toe!
I’m still trying to figure out if yoga class is for me because honestly it falls at the end of the day at the end of the workweek when I am my least emotionally fortified. There’s no question that I’ll feel great if I go, but if it’s a test of will to even get there, well… you’ve been reading along, you know how these things work.
Intermittent fasting is going surprisingly well. It is not my nature yet but results are encouraging, and I’ll be experimenting through the end of February and I’ll be interested to see how I feel at the end of the month.
I think I’m learning to be more kind to myself. There’s so much to be said for that. I’m leaning heavy on God. I’ve believed in his love and provision for a long time, but well, it’s a journey and He is meeting me in this place right now.
So progress is progress and I want you to know I’m making it. I want you to know that I am so glad you are a little wonky about things in your life too. I want you to know that when you tell me that what I write resonates with you that you are getting vulnerable with me too and I hope you know that even though I am a little bit of a bird brain in that scenario that I treasure your honesty and I hope that I’m being a good steward of it. Thank you, all of you, for your support and cheerleading. Please don’t stop. (Even though I made it kind of weird up there.)